16 January 2009

A slap by any other name...

It's Friday, so it's time to leave some fingerprint evidence at high velocity.

A person may Slap another for a variety of reasons; to hurt, to embarrass, to shock... this week, if aimed well enough, a blow to the head of each recipient may jar a wayward piece of brain back into place. With that in mind, I introduce January 16th's official Slapcatchers...

Heath and Deborah Campbell.

The Campbells are New Jersey residents, and parents of three children recently taken into care by the Division of Youth and Family Services. No official reason has been given, but anyone reading the story might suspect that the kids - three year-old Adolph Hitler, and his younger sisters JoyceLynn Aryan Nation and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie - might be better off under different living arrangements.

The Campbells came to media attention last month after a shop refused to inscribe a birthday cake with little Adolph's name... and at this point a brief pause, as the WalMart that did agree to the decoration is awarded a quick Flick... causing Heath to make a couple of interesting remarks;

Quotes taken directly from ninemsn.com.au

"They say, 'He (Hitler) killed all those people' ... I say, 'You're living in the wrong decade. That Hitler's gone'," Mr Campbell said.

"Yeah, they [Nazis] were bad people back then but my kids are little — they're not going to grow up like that.

I'm personally quite fond of "that Hitler's gone", as if he's reclaiming the name Adolph Hitler for general use, and not paying any sort of homage. Enron shares would be an easier sell at this point, particularly considering JoyceLynn Aryan Nation. Although, I can't say I'm completely against using a child's name to back a cause that one feels passionately about - if I'm ever permitted to name a child, a boy would be Daniel Rob Schneider Doesn't Get To be In Any More Movies, while a girl would be Christine Stick To One Lane While Driving. If the ludicrous nature of the children's names is the only reason for their removal from the Campbell home, then New Jersey authorities must be careful with the precedent set, or suffer a boycott from most of the world's celebrities. No making a Coldplay concert a family affair, for example, in case Apple and Moses are lined up for a rescue.

And so, Heath and Deborah, may you be greeted with an unfortunately familiar stiff-armed salute, putting the hand in the perfect position to come down on your echo-chamber foreheads with a resounding SLAP.

Until next week.

Link - Adolph Hitler toddler removed from parents

1 comment:

  1. great post. i saw that in the news and was blown away. i love the "that hitler's gone" line. "you squares are living in the wrong decade, man."