9 January 2009
Wish me luck as you slap me goodbye
Welcome to the first Weekly Slap for 2009, where I let fly the five fingers of fate to a deserving face.
An Honourable Mention, or Flick, goes to Princess Beatrice for claiming that her car had been “stolen”, when, by leaving it unlocked and with the engine running while she went into a shop, she was clearly donating it to the community. Also earning a Flick, for obvious reasons, is her police bodyguard.
However, partly for his actions this week, partly as a long service award, and partly because it will probably be my last chance to do it, please welcome the recipient of this week's Slap...
George Walker Bush.
Clearly one of the most slappable figures in history, comedy's favourite whipping boy for the past eight years earns one last flagellation for awarding former Prime Minister John Howard the Presidential Medal of Freedom, apparently granted for Services to Nodding Enthusiastically. Howard, who at one time was the world leader most likely to live under the stairs, will be staying at Blair House, the official presidential guest house - probably not a bad plan, as when you consider the emphasis with which Howard was ushered out of office (losing the Prime Ministership was the "get out...", losing his parliamentary seat was the "...and stay out!"), the Australian Embassy may not be an appropriate place for him to bed down. Oddly, Blair House apparently has no room for President Elect Barack Obama, who has been told that the mansion is fully booked. More likely, all presidential staff are behind in their training in how to deal with a president who can string a sentence together.
With former British PM Tony Blair, another member of Dubya's Coalition of the Gullible, also slated to receive the award, it seems that George is making one last raid on the White House silverware before he has to hand over the keys. And can't you just picture that scene... Bush putting the governmental keychain in Obama's hand, but still unable to let it go, leading to that tug-of-war schtick. Ah, the mirth...
So, for watering down the Presidential Medal of Freedom by handing it to Australia's least favourite power-walker, and for Services to Comedy above and beyond the call, George Walker Bush receives this week's award.
George, don't let the door SLAP you on the arse on your way out.
Links - Howard to get US Medal of Freedom
No room for Obama while Howard's in town
Princess Beatrice has BMW stolen...