Well, it looks like I started something last week - after I outlined my issues with organised religion, and delivered my first clerical Slap, I had no idea I'd be aiming the Five Fingers of Fate at another member of the clergy so soon. Then a friend sent me an email, presenting the kind of target that the Weekly Slap was designed for, and he happens to believe that he's one of God's Mouthpieces. Bear witness, brothers and sisters, to this week's Slapcatcher...
Pastor Danny Nalliah.
Thanks to the global nature of news, the world knows about the fires that began on Saturday February 7th, and their devastating effect. I will not go into the details here - there's no need. Danny has chosen to say that Victoria is burning because of the recent decriminalisation of abortion. Not arson, not natural disaster - divine retribution.
Now, my initial reaction is a wish to smack this gentleman in the side of the head with some form of furniture for such a gargantuan slice of offensive. With that option unavailable, I have to take solace somewhere, and have found my happy place with this statement. Let me outline how this appalling concept harms its inventor.
For the people who support a woman's right to consider abortion, combining Australia's greatest natural disaster with this anti-abortion stance could only be made more offensive if Danny was also simultaneously kicking a disabled puppy. However, these are people that the Pastor was never going to convince anyway. People who are anti-abortion are now looking embarrassed, and trying to find something else in the vicinity to find fascinating so that the subject can be changed, perhaps also using a faux cough to cover the words "Danny! Dickhead! Don't help!". Those who are wrestling with their moral stance have just seen a cheerleader for one team sound dumber than a concussed brick, and more revolting than a leprosy souffle.
Similarly on the religious side - the atheists will be patting themselves on the back for a job well done. The believers will be pondering the whole "God Is Love" idea, and grappling with how the Celestial Arsehole Danny seems to be backing fits with this concept. The agnostics will be taking in this festering view of the Christian god, and wondering what Krishna's up to these days.
Of course, there will be exceptions - namely, those who agree with Danny (who is a pastor in - and I'm only going to say this once - the Catch The Fire Ministries). This small - in number, stature, spirit and IQ - group is one that, frankly, he is welcome to. Their world is something that actual human people will leave to its own self-righteous devices. Pastor Danny, if googling your own name has brought you here, using the bushfires for any sort of religious, social and/or political point-scoring is despicable, and if this came from a face-to-face interview, whoever took down your statement showed great self control to not beat you around the head with whatever implement was used to record your irresponsible and disgusting words.
I won't claim to speak for anyone who has been effected by the fires, or for the thousands who have heard the call and helped out. This one is for me, and hopefully has enough velocity to dislocate Danny's jaw, and shut him up.
Link - Fire 'divine retribution', says minister